There is always more to learn about ourselves. Humans are biologically programmed to seek solutions to our problems. We read self-help articles to get a few tips, change our perspective, contemplate some decisions, and temporarily feel better about ourselves. For some of us, temporary relief is all we need. For others, the search continues. Each search involves a conversation and a decision.
We are not sure what conversation with who we would like to start. We don’t know if the other party will listen to what we have to say. We make up stories that stop us from starting a conversation. What I have to say is not that important. There is no reason to make a big deal about this, or is there?
Sure, it is much easier to shy away from sharing our inner personal thoughts than it is to take a chance and expose ourselves to judgment and ridicule. We retreat into the safe confines of our personal space. We consciously choose to keep our true thoughts, feelings, and dreams to ourselves. We pretend we are being open and trusting by building our social network profiles full of clichés and non-essential facts without sharing what matters most to us. Sharing our true self scares the hell out of us and we avoid it at all costs. We carry this attitude and behavior into every relationship we enter into.
What does this cost us? The answer is simple; we are destined to create very few deep meaningful relationships. Most of our relationships are shallow and meaningless. We may never fully enjoy all that life has to offer. I have very little room in my life for the shallow relationships. I no longer want to hide from the world. It takes courage to own your power; to have the confidence and trust in yourself and others. The world is only as safe as you allow yourself to see it.
I choose to share, trust, and develop deep meaningful relationships. I accept people without judgment and to allow others to judge me as they will. I share details of my life and take an interest in the well-being of the people I interact with. I trust I know what is best for me. I am not afraid. I am free.
My desire is for you to develop your own version of free and live it to the fullest.
The road to freedom begins by assessing who you are, what matters most to you, and developing a vision for where you would like to go.
In my last posting “Cliff Jumping,” I closed with some self-examination questions about what gives you energy and what takes it away? These are not just questions, they are guidelines for making decisions about what to pursue and what not to pursue. If we want to be free, then we need to pursue all the positive energy sources we can get our hands on. This energy keeps us focused on the good that people have to offer. It keeps us focused on the good we have to offer.
Living with positive energy keeps us from focusing on events and behaviors that are beyond our control. We can only control ourselves and how we react to the daily situations that we find ourselves in. We choose how we respond to people, events, and news. We are responsible for the energy we transmit to the world. The choice is ours to make.
I am going to assume you want to live a life of freedom and positive energy. If not, just do the opposite of what I am about to suggest, and you will attract all the trapped negative energy your heart desires.
My freedom journey led me to eliminate as much of the toxic negative energy sources as I could in my everyday life. Today, I crave positive uplifting energy and run for the hills when I don’t feel it. To get to this point, I had to consciously become more attuned to the type of energy people carry with them. I set an intention and designed a practice to help me to become more aware. Good news is, you already have these skills and unconsciously use them every day. Turning this unconscious thinking into conscious thinking is all it takes to unlock your natural abilities and cultivate more positive energy into your life.
The practice is simple and requires virtually no time to do. After each interaction, quickly ask yourself a few questions like:
How does this person make me feel? Do they trigger a certain emotion response in me? Do I stay positive in our conversations? Is what I am experiencing with them, a result of a current life event or a general disposition they live with?
Most of the time, I am able to confirm my observations on a person during our first interaction and I know whether not I would like to continue discussions with them. Sometimes, I am not so certain and it takes a couple of interactions for me to be certain. The more I practice, the better I become at developing my energy reading abilities.
A few years ago, I began a relationship decluttering exercise by taking an inventory of the people around me and how my positive energy was changed by being around them and the environment I knew them in.
My list began by relationships closest to me. I gradually expanded that circle. I grouped my relationships into the following life domains (family, friends, co-workers, and networking contacts). I wrote down people’s names, grouped them, and identified how each of them made me feel energetically. Next, I identified why I felt this way. Then, I made a “Yes or No” choice about whether the relationship was working in a way I would like it to work.
List made, I decided which relationships if I wanted to continue, end, or change. I graded them as follows:
a. Good – Let the relationship continue on its path
b. Bad – Cut your ties and move on
c. Change – Take action to reenergize it
My list (no real names used here) looked like this:
Domain Name Energy Why Work? Status
Friend Sally Positive Supportive, Pleasant Yes Good
Co-Worker Jerry Negative Brings me down No Bad
Network Joe Neutral Nice Guy, I like him No Change
I cut my interactions with the negative relationships right away. Next, I set out to improve the positive not working relationships. Decluttering our relationships is no different from cleaning out a closet and throwing away some clothes that no longer fit you. I have the freedom to determine which clothes I wear and which people I want to hang out with. I choose who I want to develop deep meaningful relationships with. Through this process, I learn more about what is important to me, why it is important, what I want to focus on, and where I can best place my efforts and energy. I am free and you can be too.
Freedom begins with eliminating all the negative energy forces in your life. Are you ready to begin your inventory list? Start your inventory today. You owe it to yourself.
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